Optimizing the Practice of Mentoring

Mentee’s Defensiveness

Challenge:

Your mentee becomes defensive when given critical feedback.

Self Reflection:

  1. What am I feeling?
    • Perhaps I’m being too hard on this person.
    • This mentee doesn’t seem to respect my knowledge or experience.
    • I’m not sure I can continue to mentor a person who’s unwilling to receive advice.
  2. What do I need to learn about my mentee’s perspective?
    • I need to understand why my mentee is resistant to my feedback.
    • My mentee might be more receptive to a different way of giving feedback than I’m used to providing.
    • I need to determine whether my mentee understands my expectations.
  3. What outcome(s) do I want?
    • I want my mentee to view feedback as an opportunity to learn and excel.
    • I want to be able to deliver critiques while still letting my mentees know that I value their contributions.
    • If we can’t overcome this challenge, we might need to dissolve our mentoring relationship and find a different mentor for this person.

Conversation Openers:

  • You seem unsure about my feedback. What questions or concerns do you have?
  • Can you summarize what you heard from me today? I want to make sure my feedback was clear.
  • I know I’ve really challenged you today. In what ways can I support you in addressing these challenges? Let’s consider options for moving forward. I‘m committed to your success.
  • I’ve given you a lot to think about. Would you like some time to consider my comments? We could discuss this topic again at our next meeting.

Tips and Tools:

  • Establish a routine of giving feedback (positive and negative) at regular intervals with all of your mentees.
  • Offer specific feedback that is based on an individual’s directly observed performance over a period of time. Consider more than a single event.
  • After giving feedback (written or oral), ask your mentees to summarize your comments in their own words to see if they perceived the message in the same way you intended it.
  • Ask questions to gain an understanding of the mentee’s concerns and attitude.
  • Encourage your mentees to ask for and thoughtfully consider feedback from others.
  • Invite candid feedback from mentees on your performance as a mentor!